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| I can't even handle it. Everything I've worked for and hoped for for the past two years is gone. Just like that. 65,000 votes later. What happened? I don't understand. I can't live here anymore. I can't bitch and moan about how our president is doing a terrible job for four more years. I really can't; I don't think I have it in me. And I am DEFINITELY not interning for the state dept. this summer since i'll be working for george w. bush. I just cried for almost an hour. The tears wouldn't stop running down my face as Kerry gave his concession speech. It just breaks my heart. Kerry gave me something to believe in again, and now that's gone. People all over the world are losing faith and becoming disheartened with America and American politics because of Bush. And that kills me. So many people I love and care about are going to have their rights stripped from them by that man. And I will not stand by him. It's Black Tuesday. Declared by me. | | |
| My body hurts from head to toe. Lungs, rib cage, shoulders, nose.
My friend William photographed me this weekend for a series of paintings for his art show in NY in January. And then we took a bubble bath. An innocent bubble bath. The throwing-bubbles-at-each-other-until-the-water's-so-hot-you-can't-move-and-you-just-lie-there kind. Everyone should take a bubble bath. With someone. It was the most fun I've had in a while.
I didn't sleep last night, not a wink.
The leaves were all falling off the trees today and it was warm outside. The sensation was insane.
I have a crush. I'll never tell. Well, maybe soon. I probably already did anyway. Pssh...he totally knows already.
I think I'll stroll to the Square and buy my friend a present. Happy birthday Katie!
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| - So. Eventful times. Worked last night, as I do EVERY NIGHT THIS WEEK, but still got off early. Went and met Jasmine and John and Steven and the regular Tuesday night crew up at the Jubilee. Katherine showed up eventually. Found out that all members of my trivia team were sick and/or studying, so trivia was a no-go. Somehow, still found myself back at Two Stick later on anyway. Watched Colby Jack Cheese (aka the doorman) mack on some ladies and had a giggle. Talked to my friend Nick from Square Books. Eventually ended back at mi casa, so Ben came over and we watched Planes Trains and Automobiles and a bit of Three Men and a Baby. Wow. 80s memories are CRAZY.
Went to sleep at about 5:30, planned on waking up at 6:30 to study for my business cal exam, but definitely overslept and woke up at 10:30, just in time for my advising appointment with Metcalf. I definitely have to take Latin American studies and East Asian studies in the same semester! As well as micro, business German, and Intro to International Law. And a class on Europe during the Cold War with this Italian lady who has a very monotone voice. It's gonna be a fun semester.
Skipped astronomy today because I wanted to come home. Period. And we have an exam on Friday so we didn't do anything today anyway. At least, that's how I rationalize it.
My back neighbor Andrew, who works at Square Books, is moving out and just met me at my car with two cold six-packs of Guinness. That was really nice of him. And I feel really bad now because there was some gossip going around about him yesterday at Two Stick and I didn't stop it. He's always been nice to me. But apparently he has a serious attitude at work and no one likes him...and someone who works with him was talking about how he supposedly does acid every day...which is pretty funny...I mean, who does acid every day? How is any human capable of that? And there are always cars pulling up to his house and leaving like 10 minutes later. Drug deals? Sketchy. But, I don't think he does acid every day. And I think he's generally a nice person. I'll be sad to see him leave.
I have to be at Two Stick for work in a little over an hour. Not feelin' it at all.
I ate a hamburger today and got really sick. And now I feel really guilty. Won't be doing that again any time soon.
I want to set the Microsoft Excel computer program and whoever invented it on fire. | | |
| - Today is rough. I just want to cry, and I have been. I'm not sure why. I think I'm just overstressed and underdozed. I haven't been sleeping enough at all. And I've had fun the last few days. But, I need to catch up on sleep. I wish I could take a semester off school. I'm not sure if you get to keep scholarships, though. That's the only thing stopping me. Well, that and the fact that my parents would assassinate me. I know I'll feel better tomorrow. But right now, I wish I could hold my shoulders up straight.
"One foot in front of the other.." -Mr. Oberst
Wow, it's been a while since I've thought about Bright Eyes. Call me and leave me a wonderful message if you want to cheer me up.
Bein' bummed is no fun.
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| Wow. I am in utter shock at that last post. Granted, it was many months ago, but I can't believe I wrote that. It seems so dramatic. Then again, the things love can do when you feel it, eh?
**Note to self: I'm definitely not in Rhode Island**
This semester has been super-weird for me so far. I'm working at Two Stick, which is lots of fun but very time consuming. The "free shift beer" is poison, people...no one ever wants to drink only one beer and go home after a hard night's work in a bar/restaurant. But the free sushi meals are the sweetest thing this side of the Colorado River. I also found out that I, in the past, made out with a 30-year old man. Hmm. Hmm. WTF??? The guy looks about 25. Of
course, after I find out that he's 30, I notice this one wrinkle he has running all the way across his forehead. I kissed a guy with a wrinkle! Eww. Age shouldn't matter anyway, but 10 years? Wrinkles?
So. I have always been a straight-A student. I've actually never made a B in a class before.
And I sort-of had a breakdown in Jackson this past weekend. First off, I haven't really been the same since Andrew died. That's what kick-started all this. Then I found out I have to have a scary operation to remove precancerous cells. EFFFFF! So then this schoolwork all came at once. Two 2-page papers in German, two 6-page papers in european studies, a test in european, a test in business cal, and a midterm in croft 101 as well. All in two days. And I hadn't been to class in, like, 2 weeks. I had no idea what the crap was going on. I thought I was going to make C's on everything. And I might make a C this semester. Or a B. But there are more important things than grades, people. GPA is not that important. For all you fellow over-achievers out there: You can still get a good job without a 4.0! I hope I don't lose my 4.0. Bright and shiny. But, if I do, I'll be able to deal with it. Experiencing life and meeting people and building relationships is so much more meaningful and so much more important than sitting in a classroom.
Crazy, crazy weekend. I don't remember Friday. Oh, I do...I remember hanging out at Drew & Walker's house because it was Walker's birthday. It was fun times. And then me and Katherine went to Kroger at 5 in the morning to get house stuff. Then Saturday, Paul Robertson(sp?) was in town so I took him to the grove and around and about. Fun times with my parents at their tent and with everyone else in Millie's tent. Paul wanted to see a tent with a chandelier so he, Ben and I scavenger-hunted until we found some. Then,
went to L&M's with Ben for dinner Saturday night. w o w. Best meal I've ever had in my life. $180 on my parents' credit card good. they're going to kill me. but it was most definitely worth it. we both had the 5-course chef's tasting, two glasses of wine, an after-dinner liquor, and a beer. and so much fun. then went to ajax and hung out with a bunch of my friends that wait tables at L&Ms. Then, went to my house for more fun times. Overall, a good weekend. But then Sunday I woke up and did laundry and then realized I was sick at about 5 p.m., immediately fell asleep, and did not wake up until the next day when I went to the health center. for almost four hours. missed all my classes(great way to start off the week) went to work for about 2 hours before they let me go home because i was sneezing on the customers. Made some homeade ginger root/lime/honey hot tea and watched tv. Now I'm about to watch Super Size Me, that crazy movie, and fall asleep. I feel YICKY. no fun.
but, i'm fired up about john kerry....college dems pizza party for the vice presidential debate tomorrow night. YAY! conor oberst was just on mtv talking about kerry and his tour for him with REM and the boss and pearl jam, among others. OMG. i really think we might have an okay government in this crazy nation come november. OMG again. Here comes Ben Gibbard from Death Cab talking about Kerry. WOO HOO. everybody join in. I think I might have to try to make it to the installment of this crazy concert in missouri.
holy crap. reruns of that new mtv show laguna beach are on. AMAZING.
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